Ok, finally got around to changing the introduction text. But as you can see, I'm too sianz to write a proper one, so am going to blabber on in hopes that you will get an idea of what sort of person I am by guessing. Yeah, the format of this blog is crap. I haven't got around to fixing it. Later lah.. Much later...
I like your lips more than cheesecake, pudding and orange M&Ms combined. I like your voice more than my favourite song. And I like snuggling in your arms more than a toasty bed on a rainy day.
ME signed off at 5:06 PM
Friday, July 01, 2011
144th entry
Even if I cry my eyes out, I won't let you see. Even if I DIE crying, I will ask not for your sympathy. Because you have none.
I should have realised it by now.
ME signed off at 2:44 PM
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
141st entry
In his hands I will leave it, and from his answer I will find deliverance.
Even though I am an agnostic, I am an agnostic theist. I resist the idea of God, only in the sense that day to day I only see the man-made constructions of the idealization of God. I resist the faith because I despise the blind insistence of logic to what is essentially illogical.
But I believe. I believe God is out there and he loves me. What form he is I do not know. How he chooses to love me I do not understand. But if I have a question, he will answer. If I ask a question I need to know, I will hear his answer.
ME signed off at 11:16 PM
Thursday, September 16, 2010
139th entry
So predictable. So utterly predictable.
I've realized if there is one thing I cannot stand about people, is if they are boring. And the best way to be boring, is to be so damn predictable.
Do you know how a person becomes predictable? It's when they fall into the same pattern of their surrounding influences - following what the crowd thinks, following what the crowd does. If I've seen it 10 times, you are the 11th time. And you've become boring.
Oh dear, when unique people become so bland. So bland with no distinction in identity or flavor. I suppose I've said before that I can't stand people who are either meatheads who can't follow or utilize logic, delusional hypocrites who don't have the mental capacity to see their double standards, stupid liars who don't lie smart,
and I'm sure a host of other traits that I've ranted at length at one time or another.
But really, who am I kidding. I'm still friends with so many of those categories. But the real deal breaker, is when a person starts to sound. like. a. f**king. mass. produced. tape. recorder.
I can guess what you are going to say! Why do I have to talk to you when I can bloody guess what you are going to say!
Give me an intelligent input that I can ponder upon! Give me a funny repartee that will invoke a laugh! Don't give me regurgitated cardboard garbage! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Oh the boredom and torture of the dulling of the wit - I fear they will infect me with their insipid personalities.
The antithesis of wit and humor - is the cardboard man!
ME signed off at 12:02 AM
Monday, September 13, 2010
138th entry
I've always found Japanese drama productions to be rather.. over-dramatized.
I mean all that screaming, (I'll make myself a better person! I will avenge you! I'm such a loser!) and all that talking to the air (kenichi, you are like the image of your father. You must do well. No, you will do well.), and all the over reacting emotional outbursts and doing things for ridiculous reasons..
Just makes me stare at the screen in utter disbelief.
Not to mention the cheesy, cliche, ridiculous yet totally predictable outcomes (oh, this girl I barely know dies of cancer. 10 years later I'm a doctor because of this 1 second incident. Did I mention I barely knew her?)
I mean it's cute when you're recreating a manga (Nodame Cantabile) but not exactly a plus point otherwise?
ME signed off at 1:40 AM
137th entry
You know, a particularly condescending thought occurred to me:
Some people just prefer the bliss of blindness and ignorance. They prefer to simplify life and not ask questions. My asking questions makes them uncomfortable. Who are we to say they are wrong?
If they want to live in a nice closeted reality, where somebody tells you: Here's reality, no need to ask questions. Here are the rules and what to do, don't ask why. I'll tell you what to believe in.
And I come along and say: It doesn't make sense, why do it?
It's understandably annoying when you don't have a better answer than: Because the books say so. Because somebody said so.
Why must I ask so many questions to irritate them?
After thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that there are only 2 reasons a person would take offense at a question. 1) They don't want you to know the answer. 2) They don't know the answer (a good one anyway) and they don't want to admit it.
So they get offended and say: What the hell is wrong with you? Don't you know it's rude? And then you back off and they get away with not answering the question. It's a defense mechanism.
I read a philosophical passage that went something like: we are like the fleas in the fur of a rabbit. Most of us go through life without ever knowing anything further than those tips of that white fur. Some of us are happy that way. But some of us say it's not enough, and climb up through the white fur and poke our heads out.
So some people prefer to take the blue pill. If life is the matrix they'd happily eat their steak. Who are we to say they are wrong? Life is certainly more peaceful that way. You get a better night's sleep and definitely feel more calm and peaceful.
I mean, if it makes you feel better to think your biatch girlfriend who is only dating you to smooch off your money actually really loves you, why not? Why not bask in that 'love', even if it's not real? Reality doesn't mean heck to some people, as long as they can eat their steak, drink their wine and fall into a soft, fluffy bed.
Actually alot of people like to have their eyes closed, and don't appreciate me trying to open it for them. I should be more understanding that just because I think being aware is good, doesn't mean others do. Some people don't put much stock in logic. Logic is not a self-evident trump card because illogic works for them - as long as they get a good night's sleep right?
I should just learn to let them be.
I am being very condescending, aren't I?
ME signed off at 12:29 AM
Sunday, September 05, 2010
136th entry
Maybe god doesn't know how to be kind to people, because he never needed to. Maybe even if he wants to, god's particular brand of kindness is an odd one.
It seems reasonable doesn't it? Because how would one do the small kindness to people, when they are so above it all.. how do they see the small little things that matter.
When you are strong; when you are clever; when you are happy; when you are secure - how do you see how hard it is for others who are not? When you've never had a day's misery in your life, when life has always been kind to you - would you know how to be kind to another?
ME signed off at 7:46 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2010
135th entry
I was telling a friend that day, that sometimes I feel as if I just "collect" people.
I like being alone in company. I constantly feel that I need more people around me, to fill up my time and space; or perhaps just the void within. I need them to define me, without which I feel as if I occupy but a translucent, transient existence.
Like arranging dolls in a circular playroom, to sit in the center watching them watching me.
But in truth, often I find the company of others taxing; troublesome; burdensome.
At times I don't want people to know me. I don't want people to touch me. I crave the ultimate privacy, the exclusive ownership of self; the sole inhabitant of the mind. I'm like the miserly storekeeper who doles out information with a teaspoon; begrudging every little bit of revelation about myself.
Because it's the one thing I truly own? If I open up I fear I will feel empty.
